39 Weeks

Wow! I can't believe that I am 39 weeks pregnant! Baby has been very very active the last few days. It is my hope that he is trying to search out his exit and is working his way there! I think that I may have been having some light contractions over the last few days. There is definitely stomach tightening that occurs and makes me stop and breath. Since I have never been in labor before I am not sure if this is the very beginnings of the process or if it could still be a million years before I deliver this kid. I have been very uncomfortable the last few days so whenever Baby Saeger is ready to meet us, we are ready for him! Of course, as of my last dr. appt there was no progress to speak of.

Waiting somewhat impatiently to see when we will be celebrating our baby's birthday every year...

It Should Be Illegal

...To have a stomach bug while 9.5 months pregnant, and it's Christmas. Oh well, I have been more sick in my life. Good practice for labor?

Barry and I spent a very enjoyable Christmas at my parents house. On Christmas eve we spent time with my nieces Kenzie and Madi as well as my brother Bill and his fiance Rachel. On Christmas day my brother Chris and sister Amy and their significant others were over along with my niece Aubrey. Unfortunately, we didn't get to see Sophi and Caleb as they were with their dad for the holiday. We all had a great time, played some fun games, and watched a couple good movies.

I have been reflecting on how neat it is to be pregnant around Christmas time. I can relate a bit better to the Christmas story as I await the arrival of our little one, similar to Mary awaiting the arrival of Jesus.

37 Weeks

Well, I am now considered "full term". Baby is developed and just sitting around getting chunkier. However, my dr. doesn't foresee baby coming any time soon...I am not dilated or effaced at all. Not a bit. We weren't planning on baby making an appearance any time before New Year's so no worries for us. And, we are totally cleared for traveling to Albert Lea for Christmas. I did get a copy of my medical records to have with just in case.

Now, my gripe...I participate in a baby website for mother's expecting their babies with a January due date. Almost every post is about how some mom is "ready" to have the baby so is asking her dr. to strip her membranes, drinking Castor oil, or any number of "wives tales" to get their baby to come earlier. Why are people so opposed to the natural course and waiting for their baby to come on his/her own? These things aren't working for people, and they wonder why...maybe because your baby needs more time to prepare to survive/thrive alone in this world. I understand that this late in pregnancy is very uncomfortable (and am reminded of this every time I move), but wouldn't instinct make the mom want to protect the baby as long as possible, not force her out before she is ready? Ok, I am off my soapbox.

5 Down 0 to go!!!!!!!!!

I am done! For better or worse all of my assignments are in and my semester has officially ended! Now to wait for grades...

I am so excited I am not quite sure what to do with myself. There are lots of things that need to be done to prepare for baby including:
- wash baby clothes
- finish decorating baby room
- register at the hospital (I know I know this should have been done 10 weeks ago)
-continue the search for child care for March

Tonight our friends from church are throwing us a baby shower. What a great way to celebrate the baby and rejoice that I am done with school for awhile!!

I want to cry

So, I just finished my "mock" oral exam for Ethics. I did not do well. We get our scores right after and it was not pretty. If it was real I would not have passed the exam. Luckily (can I even say that?) it is only going to affect my grade and lets me know how much I need to study for the real thing. I feel so dumb. Now I have to get it together and write my take home exam, getting a perfect score so I can try to not make my GPA plummet too far with this class. At least I only have one thing left, right?

On a better note, the baby is for sure head down and engaged. We had a mini ultrasound at my last appointment to check. Now, you may have heard my story about pointing a flashlight at the bottom of my belly because babies respond to light...well, I tried this 3 nights ago. After about 2 and a half hours there seemed to be some significant movement and baby is now head down. So you can laugh if you want to but I wholeheartedly believe that little flashlight did the trick!

Well, I may get a B in a class but at least I am less likely to have a C-section...

Where are my ankles?

I recently lost my ankles and my feet have no bones in them. I guess I am lucky that I have just started to swell at 36 weeks but boy is it not so fun. I go to the doctor today to have my check up and will be going once a week from now on. Today I "get" to have a swab done to test for streb B and I am going to ask her about the position of the baby again. Hopefully he is head down now! Please pray that I don't have Strep B or I will have to be connected to an IV for antibotics during labor (rather than being able to move around freely).

Only 1 day left for school though! (well today and tomorrow). I have two projects down and 3 to go. The only one I am worried about at this point is my Ethics binder that is due tomorrow. It is a HUGE part of our grade and I am just worried it's not good enough.

Well, back to homework I guess...

Feeling Good!

I gave a presentation in my ethics class yesterday. It went well and checks off one of my 5 final projects due in the next week. I feel relieved knowing that it is out of the way. Now I just have to finish my final ethics project, write a 5 page paper, start and finish a take home exam, and study for my oral exam next Wednesday. Our ethics instructors had the great idea that we should do a "mock" oral exam to help us prepare for the oral that we take for licensure. All I have to say is that if it was really "mock" it wouldn't have a point total attached to it! I am a little obsessive about my GPA and fear what the "mock" oral exam will do to it. Most people who have already taken it got 14 out of 20...not good for a class that has a 100 point total. But, I am still relieved that I only have 4 things left and am very excited for when I email in my take home exam and call it the end of the semester!

One Week and a Day!

Apparently I love count downs...this particular one is until the end of my semester at school. I can not wait until I have my final paper in and can breath a sigh of relief, knowing that there is nothing more I can do and am finished! After the 13th I will only have work on the weekends and practicum on Mondays and Fridays. I don't know what I will do with all my extra time! I have already started making plans with friends and family to fill up my free days with fun.

My mom was here over the weekend for my baby shower and helped get the baby's room together. She and Barry put together the crib while I rearranged some closets. I was a little testy so I decided to stay away and let them put it together without my presence. Our house is back in order and little Baby Saeger has a room all of his own. If he decides to come now he will have a bed to sleep in, diapers and clothes to wear, and toys to play with.

Barry was pretty excited about some Vikings items that we received at the shower. He (baby) has a onesie in jersey material and my mom made him a blanket to match one she made for Barry a couple years ago.

35 Weeks and counting!

We Made It

Well, here we are at 34 weeks! I have been really stressed out about school, internship, and life in general but am happy to be walking around 34 weeks pregnant. It is crazy that in 6 weeks our baby's due date will be here. With the end of my semester at school and the holidays that time is going fly by!

I had a pretty bad doctor's appointment yesterday. Nothing wrong with baby but the dr. that I saw (she was actually a nurse practitioner) was horrible. She is not my normal person and I will refuse to see her ever again if they try to put me on her schedule. She was horribly condescending and very rude. I believe she thought that if she had an opinion I should change mine, ignoring my birthing classes and other medical advice I have been given. By the end of the appointment I was no longer speaking. I feel like I should have walked out in protest or at least I should call and file a complaint. It really was that bad.

Barry and I have started getting the rooms switched around so we can set up the crib! Baby will be in a bassinet with us for the first couple months but I want to have the room set up so baby can get used to being in there (maybe for naps or feeding times).

I feel a little insecure about being responsible for another human life but hopefully that goes away by the time little baby Saeger gets here!

33 Weeks

Yesterday Baby Saeger hit the 33 week mark. And I hit the I have never felt more uncomfortable or huge in my life mark. I get mixed reviews from the plethora of people who feel it's their duty to comment on my size...some say "wow, you are that far along? you don't look big at all!" (love these people). Other's say, "oh my gosh you are getting so HUGE!" (don't love these people). I know most of these people are well meaning but really, if you wouldn't say it to an overweight person, don't say it to a hormonal pregnant one!

As far as baby development we have pretty much hit the safety zone but I still worry frequently about baby's health and me going into preterm labor. So, here are the upcoming milestones, next Monday marks the day they won't stop labor if it starts, Dec. 17th I am considered term, and Jan. 8th is baby's "due date".

Some things I have been thinking about:
I read a study that found that there is a correlation between babies born between 34-36 weeks and having a higher rate of SIDS and other mysterious problems that cause death in the first year of life. (They didn't use prior to 34 week babies in the study because those are in a different class of premies). The rate is still very very low, but is higher than the term infants.
I really feel like our baby is actually 6 days younger than it's due date. What that means is on or after Dec. 23 I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief and know that my baby is term and will not be at a greater risk of death in the first year of life.
I feel huge and am fighting the urge to wish my baby was born now. I go over these facts daily in my mind to keep myself focused on keeping baby as healthy as possible.

Have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Baby Showers!

I had my first baby shower this past Sunday. My aunts Brandy and Darlene threw it for us and they did a fabulous job!! We had good food and played some really fun games. As a bonus to the games I got to bring home a ton of candy so that was fun too! I am so appreciative of everyone who came to celebrate our little baby. We received a TON of wonderful gifts that I have been playing with since we got back home on Sunday night. Having this shower makes it feel like the baby is going to be here so soon!

I had a 32 week check up today. Baby is doing well but we did find out that he is still in the breech position (usually they are head down by 30 weeks). The dr. said they don't start worrying about that for another 4 weeks but I am still concerned. I really really really really really really don't want to have a C-section so I am praying that little baby Saeger gets into flipping mode and turns. I asked the dr. if there was any hereditary cause for being breech mentioning that I was when I was in the womb. She said there was and then asked if I would like to have a C-section or have them try to turn the baby if he doesn't turn on his own over the next 4 weeks. Yikes!

A Horse Named Charlie

I just want to say I really, really hate this horse. I woke up on Sunday in much pain because of Charlie's presence in my right calf. I have upped my milk and banana intake to no avail. The damage has been done and my right calf has hurt constantly since Sunday morning. In addition, this morning I could feel my left calf trying to scrunch up to Charlie's influence. Now, I only have this to say...GO HOME CHARLIE!

Hemispheres

My stomach recently divided itself into hemispheres. Very appropriate to it's globe-like appearance. The Western Hemisphere seems to be slightly larger than the Eastern. I will let you know if I start to rotate and acquire my own gravitational pull.

The Quilt is Done!

My mom, Carol, Aunt Carol Lee, and I all worked together to make a quilt and valences for the baby's room. Unfortunately because of technical difficulties I am unable to post pictures of it right now. I was unsure how it would all turn out but I ended up loving it! It's nice to have a little part of the baby's room together. Hopefully soon we will have time to make the big switch of the rooms.

In other news, I am 30 weeks this week! It is a very exciting milestone to hit. The doctor told me at my appointment today that in 4 more weeks they won't stop labor if it starts! That is one month away!! I am planning for the baby to be staying where he is for much longer than that, but it still exciting to know I am that far along. Barry and I are still debating what we want to call our little buddle of joy. Feel free to post any name suggestions, we are accepting all offers!!

Preparing

Sometimes I feel that all I am doing lately is preparing. I am preparing for final projects in two of my classes at school. I am preparing for more clients and for a group therapy session on Boundaries at my internship. But most of all I am preparing both mentally and physically to have a baby in less than 3 months. I occasionally ask Barry if he realizes that in three months we will be parents! At times I feel totally unprepared and other times I am so excited I don't know how I will wait out the next few months. This past weekend my mom and I worked on a quilt that we are putting on the wall in the baby's room. We will hopefully finish that and get some valences made this next Thursday when my mom and Carol visit for the day. I am excited to get the baby room together and will post some pics of the quilt and valences when they are finished! I am pretty happy with the result and glad I didn't have to spend a ton of money on a set when most of it typically isn't used (can't use the bumper or comforter in the crib because of SIDS)

I had a dr appt last Thursday and it was pretty uneventful. Everything is progressing nicely and I passed my 3 hour gestational diabetes test so all is well with Baby Saeger!

I can't move

That is how tired I am. Two days ago I felt great, no worries, no fatigue, no aches. Yesterday and today I feel like I am going to go through the rest of my days in a fog. I have absolutely no energy. However, life goes on and I have class and practicum. And today I am making a trek into downtown St. Paul to review a large database of childcare providers. It is funny to think that we don't even have a baby yet but we need to get on waiting lists for childcare. Luckily for us we only will need care Monday's, Friday's, and every other Wednesday morning. However, this may complicate finding childcare who won't make us pay for more time than we are actually there. Wish me luck!

On a more positive note we are working away at our 28th week of pregnancy and the baby has picked up in his movements big time. I woke up at 3am this morning to a big kick in the stomach (no it wasn't Barry kicking me!). It's definitely fun to see how active Baby S is becoming! He should be just over 3lbs now. We go to the Dr. again tomorrow and that starts the every two week appt schedule. Time is going by so fast...

You're too sweet!

This is what my husband said to me when I told him that I failed my 1 hour glucose test. What optimism! I spent this morning in the lab at my clinic drinking a very sweet glucose drink and waiting an hour to have my blood drawn. After an hour your natural insulin should bring your blood sugar level down below 140. Mine was at 148. 9 little points separate me from someone who passes the test. Apparently there is a pretty high false positive rate for this one hour test so I am off to do the three hour next week. So, next Thursday I will show up at the clinic having fasted from midnight the night before. I will get one initial blood draw, drink the sugary drink again, and then have three more draws one hour apart. I don't get to eat until I am done with the fourth draw. Baby is NOT going to be happy about that!

Grandma

My Grandma passed away last Tuesday. It was a hard time for us as family and friends gathered to remember her. Here are some of the fun memories I have about my Grandma...

When I was little Billy and I would run to our rooms to clean them everytime Grandma drove up. We knew that she would check on how clean our room were so we wanted to make sure they were up to standard!

Grandma got me a dog for one of my birthdays even though my mom was very against the idea (unfortunately, the dog didn't get to stay around for long...) It was my favorite birthday present ever though!

When I was in college Grandma used to make me these really great care packages that included all of my favorites; a jar of olives, smoked oysters and crackers, and candy! I could eat for a week from those packages.

Grandma has made me tons blankets, pillows, and other craft items that I have around my house. It's fun to look at them and see how much she thought about us grandkids as she made them.

Grandma LOVED Barry. Everytime I would see her she would ask me "where's my Barry?".

Grandma was really excited about our little baby on the way. We found a little baby outfit in her house that she had bought to give to him. That will be a special outfit for him when he gets to wear it!

http://www.albertleatribune.com/articles/2007/09/30/obituaries/09-27-2007/obit1.txt

Happy Anniversary!

Today is Barry and I's 2nd anniversary! It comes on an uneventful day when Barry is off at work and I am at home getting papers done for school. We did celebrate last night by going out to dinner and renting a movie. It was nice and relaxing which is what we needed after all of the bathroom and car trouble going on!


In honor of our anniversary my strange dream last night was about getting married. (part of pregnancy seems to be having really vivid, strange dreams so going to sleep is always an adventure for me!) So, in the particular dream Barry and I were married but I was going to get married again...to Barry. So, I had this big debate about whether I was a polygamist and which Barry I loved more. I think this dream perfectly depicts how Barry and I have changed over the last two years. Barry and I and our relationship is so different than what it was two years ago. It is fun to think about how much better I have grown to know my husband over the last two years. I am looking forward to how much things will adjust and change as we grow our family! Here is to many more happy years!!

On a side note, I am 25 week pregnant today, only 15 weeks until we meet our new little person!

An Adventure!

Today I locked myself out of my house. We don't have any secret hidden keys so I was in a little predicament... I had just called the auto mechanic about my nonstarting car and was a bit flustered. I decided to go for a walk, separated my car keys from my house key, and walked out the door. As soon as the door clicked shut I realized that I had my car keys, not the house keys. I was without a key, phone, purse, or bathroom, this was trouble! Unfortunately, I don't know any of my neighbors and didn't feel comfortable asking any of them to hang out in their home until my husband came home. I couldn't call Barry without a phone, and I couldn't bum around shopping without my purse. I decided to go see if my sister-in-law was home. Luckily she was so I was able to leave a message for Barry and visit with her while I waited for him to call back. I had fun catching up as I hadn't seen Michelle in awhile. It made the time locked out not seem like an ordeal but a fun afternoon! Lesson learned: Check which keys are in my hands BEFORE I leave the house!

Utter Frustration

That pretty much sums up my day today. I had to leave class for a scheduled dr. appt that I made before I knew my fall class schedule. I told the instructor and let him know that I would be back for the last hour of class (I have three hour classes). However, as I am sitting in the waiting room watching the minutes tic by I realize...going back to class is probably not going to be happening. I waited for AN HOUR AND A HALF before I saw the doctor. And of course my appt took all of 10 minutes. Apparently they are trying out a new scheduling system....I let her know in no uncertain terms that it doesn't work. Now, I know that normally you wait for a dr. appt for a little bit but when you have to see the OB every 4 and soon to be 2 weeks, their timeliness matters. I want to complain but I don't know who to call. I feel like just calling the appointment line and asking who do I talk with to make a complaint. Maybe enough people will call so that they go back to the old system...where I would walk in the door, give my name, find a magazine, and be called in before I could open it. The saying "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" comes to mind here! Now, the rest of my day just feels off kilter. It's been raining all day so I have had to run around in the rain. Got lost going to a different grocery store that is in route from the clinic. Of course had to wait in the endless line to check out at the store. Then walk with groceries in the pouring rain to the car. To top it off, I am driving Barry's car because mine has decided that it won't start. And, Barry's car needs new brakes which I was reminded of when I almost slid through the stoplight because of the rain and bad brakes. I need to go to bed and start over but we have our birthing class tonight so I have to cook dinner so Barry and I can eat before class and get the snacks ready that I am bringing. Calgon take me away!

On a more fun note...my due date is moved up to January 8th. This one is actually official from my OB rather than me trying to communicate with the OB, Ultrasound Tech, and Nurse Practitioner who don't talk to each other.

My nose, his chin?

Lately I have been wondering what our little boy is going to look like. I sit and study the ultrasound pictures like that will help me predict! We already know that the baby's second toe is longer than the big toe...of course that is a trait that Barry and I share so genetically that was pretty probable. I am curious to know if the little Saeger will have the Olson chubby cheeks or Barry's cleft chin and widow's peak. I know it's less than 4 months until we will see him but it seems like so long! So, what do you think...my chin and Barry's mouth? The other way around? I guess only time will tell...

Wow

So, we successfully attended our first Bradley birthing class. Our instructor is new so there is only one other couple in the class. I think we are going to like it a lot! However, we watched a video that was a little out there. First, I have never seen so many babies being born in one sitting. I have even seen the real thing and it didn't compare to this video montage of births we witnessed. It may be because Bradley does not teach the traditional on your back birthing method (which is one of the worst positions to deliver a child through) that it looked so strange to me. We also saw a couple water births and it made me sad that it is not an option for me, my hospital doesn't do them.

We also have learned 5 different exercises to help strengthen and stretch the pelvic area for better birthing. It scares me to think that one day in the not too far future I will be birthing a child. No matter if I practice every detail of what I am learning or ignore it all, I still will be giving birth in one form or another very soon!

Birthing Classes

Barry and I start our next step in the process towards the birth of our child. Birthing classes! Our first class is tonight at the Peapods studio in St. Paul. We have decided to go with the Bradley Method which supports natural birth. They teach methods of relaxation and breathing that help the mother get through the labor without unnecessary medical intervention. They also do education on what happens during the process of birth so that fear of the unknown can be replaced the joy of the process. My hope is to make it through the birth of our son without drugs. The class also teaches husbands a lot of techniques to use in the delivery room to assist and really be a part of the process. I am sure Barry is soooo excited about that!

The Big Remodel

To add to the changes happening in our lives Barry and I decided that now would be a great time to start the bathroom remodel we have been talking about for the last two years. Hmmm smart to get it done now or really really unsmart?!? We shall see. So far we have the walls (except for the shower that we are leaving alone) down to the studs. Let me rephrase that, the studs and the insulation. Which keeps falling down... One of Barry's friends is coming to help with the electrical and my parents are coming up to help with the dry walling. Then it's tiling and the installation of the vanity and toilet. Should be an adventure!

On baby news, we had another ultrasound and the baby is doing well. And is still a boy. He was weighing 11 oz. (or as Barry says, almost a can of soda) which is a little ahead of schedule. Maybe the baby will show up more towards the first week of January instead of the second!

Nesting?

Last week I cleaned my kitchen floor with a toothbrush. During the process I asked myself two things: 1. Is this what "nesting" is? 2. I need to purchase this brand of toothbrush again because it is getting into all the little nooks of the tile and grout!

After a couple weeks into the second trimester I started feeling so much better. I am relieved to say that I barely remember what it felt like to be nauseous all day every day. I have a lot of energy and thus the nesting. I am excited to get the baby's room set up and feel like we can do a lot more now that we know our baby is a boy!

It's A...

BOY!! Barry and I had an Ultrasound on Friday that revealed our little baby is a boy. We are both really excited, probably more that we are learning more about our child than what's it's gender actually is. We would have been happy with either (just not both, that would have been too complicated). Our ultrasound tech was fabulous. We spent 45 minutes looking at the baby and along the way she pointed out and measured things and told us each part was normal and developing well. We watched the 4 chambers of the heart pump blood, saw a partially full bladder and knew the digestive system was working, saw little kidneys, and looked at the brain and spinal cord. Even though I have been tracking what develops when in my books I was amazed to see this little being with all it's working parts! We are so excited to find out more about the baby...Barry predicts blond hair and blue eyes (him at a young age) while I am thinking brown hair brown eyes (typical of my side of the family).

The purpose of the ultrasound was to give a due date but we didn't get an answer on if that is changing or not. We won't find out until my next appt on August 20th (which will include the typical 20 week ultrasound :)

The Speed of Life

Today and yesterday I was struck with the speed of life moving on. On Wednesday we were all struck by the bridge collapse and today television is back to it's normal programming and it's life as usual. I know it's the natural progression of things and people must return to a state of normal. But, my heart also breaks for those who will never know the same normal again. Barry's co-working is one of the 8 still missing, assumed to be trapped in the river. I am focused with thoughts of his wife and family who will never again see their loved one on this earth. I pray for them and for all of Minneapolis to turn to God in this time of sorrow, but I am having a hard time doing that myself. I also have a lot of anger towards those who decided the money didn't need to be allocated for bridge repair at this time. I just hope and pray that precautions will be put in place so this never happens again. But it still doesn't change the fate of the 100's affected by this catastrophe.

And yet, I too find myself moving on back to life as usual as Barry and I prepare for an ultrasound later today. Mixed in with the thoughts of lives lost are thoughts of the little life growing inside of me. Today we may be able to know if it's a girl or a boy...

Good, Good, Good News

I figured Bad, bad, bad news was up there so long I had to change the energy around! Well, the good news is that Barry and I are expecting our first child in January 2008. We are excited about the journey ahead and have been reading up on what to expect over the next 6 months of pregnancy and the next couple decades of child-rearing. We look forward to sharing our thoughts and feelings with you during this time. So, my first thought...I am 15 weeks pregnant (out of 40 total) which is almost halfway, right? However, I still have 6months of a 9 month pregnancy left. Something just doesn't add up! I will admit to having pregnancy brain so if this makes sense to everyone else I will let it go...

Bad Bad News

I am not going to be able to run my half marathon. I couldn't find someone to work my shift for me so I won't be able to make it in time. I am going to go down and support the others running (hopefully making it there before Barry finishes). It is going to be bittersweet. I am so excited for the others to run but know that I am going to wish that I was finishing the race as well. Apparently other things are meant for me than running this marathon...

Faster...

In the last couple days I have decided that I need to run faster. The problem with running faster is that I can't breath. I don't know if I should be fighting through this or if my lungs just can't keep up with a faster pace. It seems like everyone around me is having a fabulous time with their runs without many issues. Why does it have to be so hard for me? (I know whine, whine, whine)

8 Mile

While this title could mean the dividing line between where the "gangsta" Eminem lives and where his dreams are I am actually referring to the tretcherous number of miles I ran today. This was my second attempt at 8 miles and it went much better than the first attempt last week. Last Sunday I thought I might die during the process but today I just took it easy and ran. I may be finishing the 1/2 marathon at the same time as the marathoners finish the whole, but I do have confidence that I can finish the race now.

Saying Goodbye

I am finishing up a semester of my MFT program and Tuesday was my last class for Schools of Family Therapy. To facilitate the class our instructor had us pair up and discuss how we say goodbye and then we discussed as a class. I was amazed at how powerful this conversation was. Nearly everyone in the class was crying at some point as they remembered those that they had to say goodbye to and didn't want to or those that they never had a chance to say goodbye to. I was surprised when I teared up discussing how I say goodbye and that I never really had a chance to say goodbye to my Grandpa Casey (who passed about 14 years ago). I was 16 when my grandparents died which tends to be a pretty selfish time in life. My grandma had died 6 months earlier very slowly and painfully from cancer. I had my license and needed a break from all the serious family interactions after my grandma passed. So...I didn't see my grandpa much those last months of his life. A few weeks before his death I remember him asking my why I didn't come over as much anymore... Until that class I didn't realize how much guilt I have been carrying around in me about my grandpa.

A part of our culture seems to be to "get over" the painful parts of our lives as quickly as possible and get back to the good parts. With this process we never fully grieve the losses in our lives and miss out on the goodbyes. Our instructor emphasized the bitter-sweet part of goodbyes. If we try to skip over the bitter we will never fully feel the sweet of the memories. Here is to getting to the sweet joy of remembering a loved one.

Apologies

I haven't been posting lately...not feeling very inspired these days. However, I have been running so that's a good thing! I was in Albert Lea for a bit last week and ran around the lake there (about 5 miles). Along with shorter runs I also ran hills earlier this week. As I was running up the hill my 5th time an elderly lady out with her dog finally looked at me and asked, "what in the world are you doing?" Exactly what I was thinking ma'am....

S.A.D.

I am so frustrated right now I am shaking. I am actually angry because the weather is so cold. As I was running today I was fighting back tears because I know there is absolutely nothing I can do to make the weather get nicer faster. When I entered my undergraduate program and took my first psychology class I was introduced to the concept of S.A.D. or Seasonal Affective Disorder. I quickly self diagnosed that I was one who was afflicted with this disorder. Now that I have almost completed my Psychopathology course and am qualified to diagnose if I so choose, I am confident that I have seasonal depressive episodes. The characteristics of this are prominent anergy (lack of energy), hypersomnia, overeating, weight gain, and a craving for carbohydrates. The depressive episodes must only occur during the specific season. Prevalence rates increase with latitude and tend to be higher in young women. All I want is nice weather so that I can leave this season's depression behind and look forward to an energy filled, happy Spring and Summer. I know I am doing the right thing by exercising and spending time in sunlight (the process of absorbing sunlight can heighten mood dramatically) but I just don't want to do anything. When I get in moods like this I start feeling like the world is against me (i.e. it is cold specifically because I want to train for the marathon and the cold makes it hard to do so), that nobody likes me, and there is no use in trying. Maybe it's because of my personality or my training but I can usually rationalize my way out of those thoughts. However, if you see me and want to give me extra encouragement please feel free! And if I start crying at something you say, don't be offended, that's not the reason I am crying.

Running in the Rain

(to the tune of Singing in the Rain...)

I think Barry and I moved from the average runner category to the dedicated runner category with our rain filled adventure today. ...oh wait, maybe we already hit that when we started running in -11 degree whether...anyways.

Barry and I ran the first .8 of a mile together which is good for me, means my pace is improving quite a bit. I also am starting to recover my breathing within a couple minutes after the run is over. My new revelation of late is that chewing minty gum during the run improves my overall ability to breath.

That's all

Did another 4 mile run today. I need to set a goal this week of running every day. That's all, I don't have much to say today.

BooHoo

Chalked up another 4 mile run today. I realized recently that I complain quite a bit about "having" to run. I also realized that this is very self centered of me. If I break it down what I am complaining about is that my privileged lifestyle lets me be as sedentary as I wish and consume as much foods of whatever type I wish. Because of this I need to exercise in order to stay healthy. Boohoo for me. There are people out there who would love to be able to complain about running. Maybe because they work two jobs, are a single parent trying to make ends meet, and don't have enough time to spend with their children let alone an indulgence like running. Or maybe because some sort of handicap or illness has left them unable to run.

So, I am starting out this week with a grateful attitude. I am grateful for adequate amounts of money, food, time, and ability to allow me to pursue my goal of running the half marathon.

4 Miles!!!

I finally did it! I feel like I have been working up to the 4 mile mark forever. It was hard but I did it. I took two short walking breaks during the run because my legs were cramping. Probably need to add a bit more potassium to my diet. Another funny thing, my feet kind of fell asleep by the end of the run. Maybe I had my shoes too tight? I am a little scared about it so if anyone has any insight please let me know.

Back Talk

I had my longest run today! 3.5 miles...but I did it in two parts. I actually ran to rent some movies for the evening. I am an NCAA widow for the weekend (meaning Barry is off at a friend's watching basketball, lots and lots of basketball). Luckily I work all weekend so I won't get too lonely.

So, I could tell the exact point that my feet passed the 3 mile mark. My body started talking back to me telling me I should be done running by now and to stop! But I made it through. Next goal a full 4 miles.

6 Days

I have been on schedule with my runs for the last 6 days! I am so excited. I just focused on each day individually and didn't realize I have been so on track until I started thinking about it today. I really think that is the trick for me. To do this AA style and take it one day at a time. And at times to focus on one moment at a time. One moment at a time is particularly helpful when I am running. If I just calm down and relax I actually enjoy the run. The nice weather has helped tremendously as well. I have found it very fun to run in 60 degree weather.

I am still behind schedule a bit...I am doing 2 and 3 mile runs instead of 3 and 4. we are going to try to do 4 miles on Friday and see how that goes. Then hopefully next week I will be sticking to 3 and 4 miles. I can't believe that we are halfway through week 5! It has gone by so very fast. 9.5 weeks left of training!

Awakened by the Holy Spirit

Ok, given my experiences today this could be a very profound statement. Today I started my new job at MN Teen Challenge and heard testimonies about how God has changed the lives of people who abused drugs, alcohol, and their bodies. However, the awakening I am referring to is a very literal one. Barry and I completely forgot about setting our clocks forward last night for Daylight Savings and I had my alarm set for 5:30am. I normally wake up around 7 or 8 so getting up at what really is 4:30am is not something I do...ever. However, at 4:29 (really 5:29) I woke up, looked at my clock, and thought "ah, 1 more hour of sleep". Then I remembered the time change, jumped out of bed and started getting ready exactly on time to be at my new job by 7am.
I proceeded to have a wonderfully exhausting day at work!

Seeing that I woke up at 4:30 I wasn't exactly excited about running tonight. Barry and I went shopping and picked up some mint chocolate chip ice cream to motivate me through. It helped! Apparently cheap bribes work for me!!

Abdominals

I got quite the stomach workout during my run today courtesy of our fabulous day yesterday. My feet were slipping and sliding all over the frozen puddles from yesterdays thaw. Not that I am complaining. I love the warmer weather and I can very much use stomach strengtheners!

I have a fun busy day planned today. Barry and I are going to our first meeting about France. This is probably the only meeting I will be able to attend because of work so I am very excited about it. Then I am meeting my family for Disney on Ice. It is a long standing tradition for my mom and I and various sisters, nieces, nephews, and cousins to attend.

Fun Run

I had a fun run today. I finally got my new shoes out of the box. I had been trying to see if it would be nice out so I wouldn't get them dirty...I finally decided if I didn't want them dirty I would have to wait until June to use them. They aren't magical (I was kind of hoping they would be) but they are much better than my old ones. My run was filled with dodging puddles and trying to avoid ice. I was so busy doing that, that I was done before I knew it. It's been a good day.

My new obsession is www.frenchassistant.com Barry and I are headed to France with our church to do missions work in November. I am hoping to brush up on my highschool French in the months prior to the trip. I know Billy, Brandy, and Rachel C. would enjoy this site as well!

New Shoes!

I went to a store yesterday that sells shoes specifically to marathon runners. They watched me walk and then recommended shoes specific to my feet. Apparently I walk on the insides of my feet and compress my arch tilting my ankles in. So, the shoes I got have extra support for the insides of my feet so I can't angle them in. Since then I have been noticing how I walk and trying to roll out my ankle so I am more balanced. I haven't used the new shoes yet but I am very excited to! Today I just went a couple miles on the Nordic Track. I have been tired and achy all day...

Contemplating Life From a Ditch

I had the opportunity to do this today as I was driving home from a class that was cancelled. I was driving along 494 when a semi going too fast (in my opinion) fished a little around a curve in the road. I tried to move into the other lane in case the semi lost control and totally lost control of the car. As I was sliding along, driver side door first going with the pattern of traffic, I tried to correct the direction I was facing, swerved around a bit, and then landed in the ditch. I was extremely lucky that there were no cars around me as at one point I was in all three lanes. And I just missed hitting a road sign when entering the ditch. A trooper pulled up about 3 minutes after I was sitting there thinking "why is no one stopping?" He called a tow truck for me and asked if I had enough gas to keep me warm for awhile. I did so off he went to find another stranded driver. He left me with hopes of a tow truck and some orange writing on the car so the tow company would know that it was me they were supposed to help. While I was sitting there I was thinking about how good the last two days have been. I was offered two practicum positions so I was able to choose the one that I feel is best for me, and I also was offered a new part time job working at MN Teen Challenge. I feel like everything is falling into place for me for next year. It really gives me confidence that this is where I am supposed to be in my life at this time. I feel like I have a really hard time distinguishing God's direction from my wants, and have been praying for God to open doors where He wants me to be. That ended my contemplation as the tow truck arrived and I went through the process of getting pulled out of the ditch. Oh, a funny addition, the tow rope broke as he was pulling me and I ended up having three tow trucks to my rescue!

So, next time you see a poor compact car going a little too slowly on the road during bad weather, give them a break, they may have just gotten out of the ditch.

Re-Dedication

I have missed 4 running days and need to make a recommitment to the process. I missed the days for a variety of reasons, my knee hurting and 9 inches of snow among them. My mom enlightened me to the fact that my knee probably hurts because of the fall last week (even though it started hurting the next day, I somehow didn't attribute the the hurt to the fall...) So, knowing that helps me squelch the fears that I am destroying my body doing this. You'd be surprised at how many people tried to persuade me that I am hurting myself by trying to obtain this goal!

In any case I am recommitting to the process. I am supposed to run 4 miles tomorrow which I don't think I am going to be able to hit. But, I have another 4 mile run next Thursday that I am going to focus on.

I have my second interview today for my practicum, pray for me!

Patience

I was reminded today to slow down and take things as they come. I tend to want things to happen instantly. I have a laptop with wireless internet connection so I can have the convenience of being online anywhere in my house, but when a page doesn't come up within a few seconds I get agitated. I usually close the page thinking, something must be wrong. Sometimes something is wrong, most of the time it just needs more than a few seconds to load. I am in the process of interviewing for practicums for next year, and I want that process to also just be complete. Today I received a call inviting me to a second interview for the place I didn't think I would be called back on. I immediately went into the mode of, Oh no! Now I have to decide. I was gently reminded by my husband that this is a step in the process, not the completion of the process. It does help me calm down and think a bit more clearly when I remember that this is a step, not the end. I am just so anxious for everything to work out I tend to skip right to the hard parts.

This applies to my running as well. When I started on my run today I could only think about being done. I want to be able to relax and enjoy the run, but my mind races to both the end of that particular run as well as to running the marathon. I don't want to just focus on the end, I want to be dedicated to the journey...

How Embarrassing!

I was running along thinking about the puppy that I just ran by (he followed me and gave me a little hello lap on the hand)...when I bit it, big time. I fell in slow motion, this is what I thought as I was going on, "wh- oh my gosh I am actually going to fall down". I was laying on the ground, took a quick look around to see if anyone saw me, and popped but up and started running again. Sheesh, I know running can be hard on your body but I didn't expect that!

A little relaxation

I have a day off from running today, yeah for me! I wanted to post this commercial that Pat had posted on his blog. I am not very savvy at posting so I don't know how to make the video just come up so here is the link.

It is a commerical that is so wonderfully relaxing. I don't know if it is the superballs or the music or the combination of them both. I probably have watched it at least once a day since I saw the link last week.

http://www.bravia-advert.com/commercial/braviaextcommhigh.html

It takes a little while to download but it's worth it!

Proud!

I am pretty proud of myself today. I just finished a run that brings me to having run 9 miles in three days. The runs are still pretty hard for me. I usually can't catch my breath until the last half mile or so. Not sure why the last half mile gets better. But my recovery time after the run is getting less so I know that I am increasing that lung capacity!

I was watching the Today show this morning and they were talking about how much sodium the average person consumes in a day. The person they highlighted ate 9000mg! The recommended amount is 3000mg. I have never even paid attention to sodium, with high blood pressure in my family it probably is important for me. So far today I have had 2041mg and I haven't had dinner yet...

Early Run

Barry and I got up to run this morning before church. It's nice to have it out of the way because today was a hard run. I think we were tired from the three miles yesterday and it was colder out today. I am starting to get a blister on the inside arch of my left foot. Any suggestions on how to help that go away quickly or prevent more blisters?

Oh, before I forget...here is the best site ever for outdoor runners. Compliments of Mandy Benson: http://www.mapmyrun.com You mark in the route and it maps out the miles for you.

Chaffing Happens

I was sore after my 3 miler today, but not in my muscles. This is probably going to be way too much information but you'll just have to stop reading if you are nervous about the content! So, I have always been one who could be described as having "junk in the trunk"...even back in my fittest dancing days. It was warmer out today which equals more sweating. You get the idea. My sides were also sore, maybe from my arms pumping back and forth? I read that in good posture running your arms aren't supposed to pump, I will have to work on that.

So, from here on out 3 miles will be the thing, I think there is one 2 miler next week as a "break". I actually feel like 3 miles really isn't that much (this is a change from prior thinking), It must all be perspective.

FAILED

I was supposed to run 3 miles today. I ran 1.5 miles. Part of the reason for my failure is that it is one degree outside but "feels like" -13. And oh boy does it feel like -13. The other reason is that we recently got a pedometer...that thing has GOT to be wrong!! I am feeling really discouraged right now and hope this feeling doesn't stay with me during my interview today!

As far as the schedule goes, I am supposed to have an off day tomorrow which will be filled by three miles of running instead. Ugh.

2 Miles!

I ran my first 2 mile outside trek today! I was going to come home from work and run on the N.T. but on my drive home I talked to my brother who was lacing up his sneakers for an outdoor run. So...ever the competitor, I decided I would run outside as well. It was a nice run and now I can cross off the first box on my schedule knowing that I did a full two mile run. Now, to get up tomorrow morning and do it all over again....

Pleasant Surprise!

I was able to run outside today! Barry and I were very surprised at the nice weather as we were leaving church today. Barry mentioned that he wanted to get a book and read outside on the deck...ok, so it wasn't that nice but definitely was a pleasant run. This jog allowed me to validate my concerns about the N.T. It works the muscles ok but not the lungs. I think I could have run farther but my lungs just wouldn't keep up with me. The weather makes me excited for spring though!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BARRY!!

Time Flies

I can't believe that the official training starts on Monday! I feel like it has gotten here so fast. I am really ready to be on the schedule. I think that it will be easier to look at the schedule and know how much I have to run rather than choose myself. I tend to be too easy on myself... There are also some additional things to accomplish each week, like strength training, ab workouts, etc.

I watched a Dawson's Creek episode while I was on the N.T. today. I have a slight obsession with this old series and own all the season's on DVD. It was fun to watch again and helped me stay on the Nordic Track long enough to get my miles in.

Still waiting for warmer weather....

Homework, Homework, Homework

I completed my little stint on the Nordic Track today. Now I am off to finish up a project for class at noon. I have been putting together a genogram. It's a diagram of the geneology of my family including my great-grandparents through my nieces and nephew's generation. It's a great way to look at patterns that happen in the family.

Sigh

It's nice to be back in the swing of things. This morning I went 1.5 miles at what I hope is a running pace and .5 more at a walking (on the N.T.). On the first week of the schedule I have it says to TRY to run the full 2 miles, so I figure that's good enough for today. Although, I know I am not getting as intense of a work-out so I will have to do more miles on the N.T. than I would running... In case I haven't said it enough, good to be back! (remind me of this in three days please!!)

Circa 1986

I know that I have been missing for a week but I am back, with a vengeance! I ran into some trouble with the temperature and not having access to an indoor exercise area. I tried to lift some weights (5lb) and walked up and down my stairs a few times over the last week. Mostly I am just counting it as a week off. But, we are still one week away from the "real" training beginning so I am giving myself a little break. I am sure there will be times over the next 13 weeks where I miss or want to miss a few days and it will be good to be able to look back at this week and remember how much I really want to do this.

So, the solution, since we are still in this horrible -10 degree weather! I have acquired a Nordic Track. Thus, the heading for today's blog, Circa 1986. My parents upgraded to an elliptical machine and have brought up the good old Nordic Track for me. I know this is of the cross-training variety of exercise, but much much better than nothing. I have decided when the weather is 20 degrees or above I will be outside running. If it is below that, indoor on the Nordic Track I will be. I may end up outside in colder weather (after all that is 30 degrees higher than what we are living in now) but that is the general rule.

So, I was on the Nordic Track for 1.5 miles at a slight incline. I am excited to be back at it!!

Brrrrrrr

Right now weather.com reports that it is 7 degrees but feels like -1. I whole heartedly agree! Getting out for the run today was actually easy. Barry and I came home from church, changed directly into our running clothes, and left for the run together. It is so much easier to get things done when you have a partner there with you.

So, the run...we didn't make it to two miles today. It was cold and the air felt like it was freezing as I breathed it in and out. But, we did get the ususual 1.6 in so I feel proud of that.

I hope it warms up soon!!

I Wish

I wish that I could post today saying that I was changed by yesterday's revelation and I no longer dreaded my run. That is not the case. I don't think it will be anytime soon. I still tried to push off running and thought about all the different reasons why I should skip today. But I got out there and after two blocks started feeling good. So, that was my run today. I know that this is something that I am going to have to face day after day. I hope that there will be a day when I am excited by the prospect of running. But in case that day never comes I am prepared to go through today's process day after day to reach my goal.

Good luck on your run for those of you in training also! I wish you much energy for the process.

Tomorrow I am taking the day off and then moving up to 2 full miles on Sunday. WooHoo Week 1 is done!

Just Do It

This has been my theme this week. Ignoring Nike’s overuse of the phrase it has been very helpful to me. I have found life to be much easier if I "just do it" rather than think and overplan and psych myself out. I recently used this idea when working on my practicum for next year. I have three counseling centers to call and inquire about their application process for accepting practicum students. I know I need to do this. There are about 50 other people from my school and numerous others from the 7 other MFT programs in the state who are currently going through this process as well. What that means is I need to get on it in order to find a site that hasn’t already accepted another student. Yet, when I think about calling I make myself sick worrying about all the "bad" things that could happen during the process. Yesterday I decided to just do it...and I am still alive. Nobody was mean to me, nobody yelled at me, nobody laughed at me. It was actually pretty easy to make this initial call. This is the same story with housecleaning and homework as well. I think about and dread doing it but once I get started it’s really not all that bad and I feel so accomplished after it’s complete.

My first thought when I woke up this morning was "I don’t want to run today". I then stopped thinking went downstairs, put on my running clothes (I leave them sitting out the evening before in case of events like this), and walked out the door. I continued to not want to be running for most of the run and cut a few blocks out (after all I am only supposed to be running a mile this week and I have been doing more, right?). Then an amazing thing happened, as soon as I saw the block with my house on it. Maybe it was the Foo Fighters song that came on my ipod, maybe it was the fact that I could stop if I wanted to but I had a burst of energy. I made up those few blocks that I had cut out and came back home satisfied with my progress for the day. Now, I just need to remember this for the future...

I've Been Running HOW FAR?

So, this may not seem like a big deal on paper but to me it's everything. I was concerned with how long it was taking me to run this 1 mile route. With the time I was clocking in at I figured "oh well, I can just finish my half marathon in the time it takes to run the full thing!!". Turns out I have been running 1.6 miles instead of just 1. On the plus side, I can already run over a mile and a half!! On the negative side...well there really isn't one except maybe that's why I am a little more sore than I thought I would be. So, day 4 (run #3) was completed this morning and I even had a running partner today. Which brings me to my next topic...

Body types. I have posted before that I am not a runner, along with that is my non-runner body type. I have short legs and if I am honest with myself am rather round. My running partner today does not suffer from my afflictions, he has long legs and is rather lean. He can eat chips for dinner and have no consequences because his fabulous metabolism will turn those chips into rocket fuel. I thought I may have a chance since it's my third day running and I have found some sort of stride at this point. But no, Barry looked painful trying to stay slow enough to let me keep up. His knees were coming up to his chin so he could take small enough strides to not lose me just on that aspect. So, I shooed him ahead and by the time I huffed and puffed my way home he was in the shower already. To further exemplify this point I will write about a 5K we ran one year. We had all the good intentions of running regularly before this 5K but without the accountability of a blog journaling our progress ended up barely running at all. But, we were registered and thought we should run anyways. I ended up walking most of it. Barry ran a 7 minute mile. ugh. All this said, my husband is very encouraging to me and always makes sure that I feel good about myself. I will need this encouragement as the journey continues. So run fast Barry, maybe one day I will catch up!

Addendum

So...today ended up not being a total break day. I am currently working as a behavioral aide with children. Today the 12 year old boy that I work with suggested playing a little hockey. Mind you, I have never (with the exception of 5th grade gym class when we had the red and blue plastic hockey sticks) played hockey, at all. It was actually pretty fun but hockey and sledding for an hour and half ended up being quite a workout! Not exactly textbook training, but I am sure I used some different muscles trying to keep standing on the ice and running up the hill repeatedly for sledding. So, in the end I feel good and will be running tomorrow.

Ouch!

Here is a listing of my body parts that are in pain right now: the tops of my thighs (I have to use my arms to help me sit and stand), the insides of my thighs, the sides of my calfs when I rotate my ankles in or out, and my lower back (that actually has been hurting before running but I thought I would add it anyways). I know that this process will hurt and I am not scared of that...I just wish it didn't hurt yet! I decided to take today off partly because of the pain and partly because Tuesdays are just busy for me. I have class right away in the morning a break around lunch and then I work until about 6 or 7. It probably would have been better to break tomorrow or Thursday but those are really good days timewise so...today is the day. I also want to make sure that I prepare myself slowly enough that there is no injury to prevent me from running the 1/2M. Ok enough excuses to make myself feel better for taking the day off.

Circa 1996

I have found that all of my winter running attire is dated back about 10 years. Not that there is much I can do about that seeing as my husband and I are living on one income since my return to graduate school last fall. But I am quite amused by myself as I jog along in my teal green Columbia shell, teal green Columbia earband, and those vinyl-esque tear away warm-up pants. Do not fear, I have a picture to post...I just have to figure out how to do that. Apparently over the last 10 years it never occurred to me to exercise in the winter. I have a bunch of cute spring/summer running attire collecting dust in a drawer somewhere...

So, I ran mile 2 today (note: mile 2 not 2 miles). Nothing much to note, it's done and I am glad.

Dedicated to my brother, Bill(y)

One of the reasons this post is dedicated to my brother Billy is...well...I stole the idea of blogging about running from him. Billy has decided that he, too, would run the half marathon and I probably wouldn't actually be training if it wasn't for him. What prompted me to get the process started was reading his blog for a week and realizing "if he can do it, I can do it too". And only partially in the mean little sister way, mostly in the Thanks for inspiring me! way. This 'thanks for inspiring me' is the other reason the post is dedicated to him. You see, left to my own devices I would rationalize away the training period, "oh I can start tomorrow" "it's too snowy/icy/cold/nice out to run today". But Billy sets his sights on something and then gets going, there is no over-planning or over-analyzing, just jumping in and going for it. To read about Billy's adventures in the journey to the half marathon please see the link under the "blogs I frequent" heading.

It started with a conversation

It all started one fateful day in Winona, MN. We were visiting with family when my brother-in-law-in-law (I add the extra in-law because he is my husband's sister's husband) mentioned that he had started training to run a marathon. I don't remember exactly how the rest of the conversation went but it ended with a declaration from Barry (my husband), Vicki (husband's sister), and myself that we would train for the half-marathon. The Med City Marathon was decided on as the race, it's close, it's relatively cheap, and there isn't a lottery so if you want to run you run.

At this point it must be noted that I am NOT a runner. I have, in the past, dabbled with a 5K here or there. I believe the only resemblence that a 5K has to a half marathon is the number 3. This being the case, I don't believe my past experiences have prepared me for what is to come. So, I start slowly. I will train to train for the race. My first 1 mile adventure was today.