Saying Goodbye

I am finishing up a semester of my MFT program and Tuesday was my last class for Schools of Family Therapy. To facilitate the class our instructor had us pair up and discuss how we say goodbye and then we discussed as a class. I was amazed at how powerful this conversation was. Nearly everyone in the class was crying at some point as they remembered those that they had to say goodbye to and didn't want to or those that they never had a chance to say goodbye to. I was surprised when I teared up discussing how I say goodbye and that I never really had a chance to say goodbye to my Grandpa Casey (who passed about 14 years ago). I was 16 when my grandparents died which tends to be a pretty selfish time in life. My grandma had died 6 months earlier very slowly and painfully from cancer. I had my license and needed a break from all the serious family interactions after my grandma passed. So...I didn't see my grandpa much those last months of his life. A few weeks before his death I remember him asking my why I didn't come over as much anymore... Until that class I didn't realize how much guilt I have been carrying around in me about my grandpa.

A part of our culture seems to be to "get over" the painful parts of our lives as quickly as possible and get back to the good parts. With this process we never fully grieve the losses in our lives and miss out on the goodbyes. Our instructor emphasized the bitter-sweet part of goodbyes. If we try to skip over the bitter we will never fully feel the sweet of the memories. Here is to getting to the sweet joy of remembering a loved one.

Apologies

I haven't been posting lately...not feeling very inspired these days. However, I have been running so that's a good thing! I was in Albert Lea for a bit last week and ran around the lake there (about 5 miles). Along with shorter runs I also ran hills earlier this week. As I was running up the hill my 5th time an elderly lady out with her dog finally looked at me and asked, "what in the world are you doing?" Exactly what I was thinking ma'am....

S.A.D.

I am so frustrated right now I am shaking. I am actually angry because the weather is so cold. As I was running today I was fighting back tears because I know there is absolutely nothing I can do to make the weather get nicer faster. When I entered my undergraduate program and took my first psychology class I was introduced to the concept of S.A.D. or Seasonal Affective Disorder. I quickly self diagnosed that I was one who was afflicted with this disorder. Now that I have almost completed my Psychopathology course and am qualified to diagnose if I so choose, I am confident that I have seasonal depressive episodes. The characteristics of this are prominent anergy (lack of energy), hypersomnia, overeating, weight gain, and a craving for carbohydrates. The depressive episodes must only occur during the specific season. Prevalence rates increase with latitude and tend to be higher in young women. All I want is nice weather so that I can leave this season's depression behind and look forward to an energy filled, happy Spring and Summer. I know I am doing the right thing by exercising and spending time in sunlight (the process of absorbing sunlight can heighten mood dramatically) but I just don't want to do anything. When I get in moods like this I start feeling like the world is against me (i.e. it is cold specifically because I want to train for the marathon and the cold makes it hard to do so), that nobody likes me, and there is no use in trying. Maybe it's because of my personality or my training but I can usually rationalize my way out of those thoughts. However, if you see me and want to give me extra encouragement please feel free! And if I start crying at something you say, don't be offended, that's not the reason I am crying.