I am finishing up a semester of my MFT program and Tuesday was my last class for Schools of Family Therapy. To facilitate the class our instructor had us pair up and discuss how we say goodbye and then we discussed as a class. I was amazed at how powerful this conversation was. Nearly everyone in the class was crying at some point as they remembered those that they had to say goodbye to and didn't want to or those that they never had a chance to say goodbye to. I was surprised when I teared up discussing how I say goodbye and that I never really had a chance to say goodbye to my Grandpa Casey (who passed about 14 years ago). I was 16 when my grandparents died which tends to be a pretty selfish time in life. My grandma had died 6 months earlier very slowly and painfully from cancer. I had my license and needed a break from all the serious family interactions after my grandma passed. So...I didn't see my grandpa much those last months of his life. A few weeks before his death I remember him asking my why I didn't come over as much anymore... Until that class I didn't realize how much guilt I have been carrying around in me about my grandpa.
A part of our culture seems to be to "get over" the painful parts of our lives as quickly as possible and get back to the good parts. With this process we never fully grieve the losses in our lives and miss out on the goodbyes. Our instructor emphasized the bitter-sweet part of goodbyes. If we try to skip over the bitter we will never fully feel the sweet of the memories. Here is to getting to the sweet joy of remembering a loved one.
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6 comments:
I remember being in California when I got a call that Grandma was sick and wasn't going to make it. I was on the first flight home to say good-bye. It was pretty painful when I went back to Cali and got the call that she had gone home. Then, while I was in Japan, I got another call that Grandpa had gone to join her. I'm tearing up in the middle of the college gym right now, waiting for the girls to finish cheer-leading. No strange stares coming my way at all, promise. Maybe I should read your blog in the comfort and privacy of my bedroom since it's getting so emotional for me...
A beautiful post. Thanks for sharing.
This post helped me gain a new perspective on goodbyes..some healing thoughts that will help me going into the next few months. Thanks for posting. :)
Angie, I was touched by your sharing. Letting go and feeling the hurt is always painful but as you have said we can let go of it, move on and remember the good times. God Bless you!
A friend of mine just shared with me her experience of saying good-bye to her only surviving grandparent. She shared that while she was holding her grandmother's hand while in the nursing home, she found herself crying. Normally, she would restrain her emotions, but she realized in that moment that crying is a sign of life. It is an emotion that makes us human and we should not shy away, but embrace the healing that occurs when you feel so deeply that you cry.
It is true that we try to cover up emotions in our culture. There is something healing about truly feeling and experiencing pain to learn what you can from life. It's all a part of life!
Glad to hear your story and glad to hear you were able to say goodbye!
Jenny G
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